Monday, March 12, 2007

I Can Make That Crossword Puzzle Bend to My Will!

crossword puzzle
I never met a crossword puzzle I couldn't solve. I can make that crossword be solved! You've just got to take it by the horns and make it do your bidding. It's a question of who's to be master, that's all.

See, 1 Across is "Self-denying individual": that's ABNEGID, as in "self-abnegation." Fits nicely in the squares provided. Now 1 Down is "Chasing." Ah, AFTER, as in "chasing after"! And 2 Down is "Video effect," which is BLEED.

Next comes a slightly harder one: 3 Down, "Terra _____." I'd like to put in terra cotta but it won't fit, so I'll have to use TERRA NOTTA instead. It works, and I think it makes a witty pun, at that: "Terra Notta, and Notta Terra Cotta!"

crossword puzzle
4 Down, "Stretch of time," EON, no problem. By this time we have the first four letters of 20 Across, FLOO___, allowing us to fill in the rest, to wit, 20 Across, FLOORED. Clue is "U.S. Peninsula": well, yes, the Floored Peninsula. Or Florida Peninsula. "Floored": like they say, close enough for government work.

Now, 23 Across, TETN..., looks to me like "Tet Offensive" ought to fit in there. With N inserted as a spacer or shim between the words, TETNOFFENSIVE. Ummmm, that leaves a couple of blank spaces at the end, but whaddaya expect, perfection?!

Next comes 8 Across, "Hurt, as a toe." That's easy, STUBBED. Which allows us to fill in the words running down, from STUBBED through TETNOFFENSIVE: SON, TOSS, UNIQU, BIVOT, BLETTS... What are the clues for those, 8 Down, 9 Down, etc.? To be honest, I don't know and I don't care. I'm on a roll, the words fit, do you think I'm gonna be a wimp and be deterred by mere crossword puzzle clues?

crossword puzzle
Now, 39 Across, that looks like NREVIEW, which could be an abbreviation for "National Review." 32 Down, ENOUGHT; 33 Down, "Pursuit of the Graf ____", we can make that GRAF as in "Pursuit of the Graf Graf." TERO and WAIL and UNDO, looks like that makes 44 Across HAHOAH!KRAUT, and if the clue isn't "Laughing at a German," well, it ought to be.

71 Across, "Laugh-track users," looks to me like a perfect place to put TRIPLET. Hey, you think triplets don't watch situation comedies on TV, just like anyone? Then 54 Across, OIN___, I think that must be OINKER. And 62 Across is most likely LDSUTA. As in LDS-Utah, "Latter Day Saints Utah," get it?

A few rough spots here and there: 26 Across, EET; 31 Across, RDAEG, perhaps an anagram; 24 Down, EHRIK. Oh well, can't expect absolute perfection from a mere crossword puzzle. Actually I rather like 21 Across, OONILOA: looks vaguely Hawaiian.

By now you can see I'm well on my way to bending this crossword puzzle to my will, and making it get solved. I can solve any crossword puzzle this way; so can you. Don't be a wimp, just open up your Sunday paper to the puzzle page, take that pencil to the newsprint, and make that crossword bend to your will!



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