Monday, November 15, 2004

Lombardi Wannabe

The other day, I headed out to see a confirmand of mine playing in a junior high girls' basketball game. There was one guy there in the bleachers— seems I see one like him at any sports event I attend— grey grizzled grimjaw, short grey-peppered crewcut, harsh joyless expression, grizzlejaw, wearing a black nylon jacket, and constantly all through the game barking a nonstop stream of SportSpeak™ cliches at the girls:

"Whad ya doin', whad ya DOIN', MOVE it LAY-deeez, c'mon move it UP, free shot free shot free shot free shot LEEE-shah free shot... eeem emmm BING bang veh-SPAHSS, c'mon purple, talk to each other, two-ONE ya gotta move it UP for a shot, c'mon TALK to the BAWW, ezzit ribbock REbound reBOUND!"

Meanwhile, a bunch of eighth grade girls are weaving and bobbling around out there on the court. And grizzled harshjaw keeps barking at them, the Vince Lombardi of the sidelines, as if victory would be theirs if only they'd listen and instantly respond to his nonstop diarrhea-stream of sports commentary.


Blogger Arnold Harris said...

I used to enjoy RC-Cola when I was a kid. Even though I suspected the contents of the bottle would serve handily to de-rust parts from my Harley-Davidson motorcycle. Never understood why RC never made the marketing grade as did Coke and Pepsi. Unless it was because other people mirrored my admitedly anthropomorphic but societally contrarian mentality.

Good luck with your blogsite. Common standards for these matters being either contradictory or lacking in elementary logic, I would just as soon read the works of a Wisconsinite. Even if you crossed the river to live and work in Iowa.

Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI

Monday, November 15, 2004 1:22:00 PM  
Blogger Paul Burgess said...

Well, Arnold, thank you for your kind words. (BTW, I think the RC Cola thread is over thataway :) Actually, even though I'm in Iowa, I'm not that far from Wisconsin. Only about six miles west of the Mississippi. In fact, people tell me that from up here high atop Wheatland Ridge, on a clear day you can see the bluffs on the Wisconsin side of the river, if you know where to look. I've never quite been convinced of that, though I certainly can easily see the plume from the nuclear power plant over at Genoa.

And I can see Minnesota from my front doorstep: the Minnesota state line runs just two cornfields to the north of me.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 7:12:00 AM  

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