"These Five New States, So Bonny and Fair"
Last night I had a dream that there were five new states in the Northeast, and it was announced on the news. And the states were named North London, New Turnicoat, New Oilcloth, Sou'wester, and New Lobsterpot. And these states had been formed to grant the Democrats even more representation in Congress, since their Congressmen and Senators would be awarded to the Democrats in every election; though it was considered poor form to state this openly, and anyone who did so would be razzed and ridiculed for daring to state the obvious.
And some ingrates objected that these states could not be found or located on any map— when it was necessary to depict them, these five new states were shown under the symbol of five black and white keys on a piano keyboard. And it was objected that nobody you knew had ever known anyone from any of these five states, and no highways ran to or through them. And the stock reply to any of these objections, bleated in an accusatory and condescending tone, was, "Oh! Who would wish to deprive the Union of these five new states, so bonny and fair?"
And the New York Times ran editorials in favor of these five new states. And Ted Kennedy was very much in favor of these states, saying, "I look forward to greeting, on the same side of the aisle, my new colleague the junior senator from the state of New Turnicoat."
And part of the dream had to do with the design of a new American flag with five more stars. And it was said, "Oh! Who would wish to deprive the flag of these five new stars, so bonny and fair?"
And it was said that from now on, any time the Democrats needed more votes in Congress, they could mint new states as needed, nongeographical states symbolized by piano keys. Only it was considered poor form to state this openly, and anyone who did so would be met with a reply, bleated in an accusatory and condescending tone, of "Oh! They would never do any such thing!"
Then in the next breath it was said, "Oh! Who would wish to deprive the Union of these five new states, so bonny and fair?"