A Guy's Meat Pie Recipe

Let it be known, I am not a cook. I am a guy who lives alone in a house way out in the middle of the countryside. Were it not for the microwave in my kitchen, and restaurants within driving distance, I would probably starve to death in short order.

Nonetheless, I do carry a few recipes around in my head. One is a recipe for meat pie: I think I got it out of The Old Farmer's Almanac, though looking through my collection of old almanacs in the magazine rack in my bathroom, I can't find any meat pie recipes. Anyhow, yesterday for the first time in many years, I baked a meat pie.

You start with the pie crust. I took three cups of flour, mixed in maybe a teaspoonful of salt, then stirred in a cup and a half of shortening with a fork until mixed. Add in three-quarters of a cup of water, and once again stir until mixed.

Now take one of them big ten-inch pie tins, and sort of press and poke the pie crust stuff into place to make the bottom of the crust. There may be an easier way to do this, such as with a rolling pin, but I've only got one rolling pin and it's an antique, for show only and not for use.

Then take a leek (sort of like a green onion, but a lot bigger), and chop the white stem part of it into disks. (Rooty piece at the bottom, and loose green shoots at the top, should be discarded.) Chop each disk in half, and crumble the resulting half-moonish dealies into the pie pan. (Leeks are hard to find at supermarkets in this area, it was finding a leek that really inspired me to get going on this pie.)

Likewise take two medium to large carrots, chop them into disks, add to pie. Take one good sized potato, peel, discard peelings, chop the rest of the potato into dice-sized chunks, add to pie.

Now get a quart-sized vacuum-sealed Mason jar full of venison out of your cupboard. If, like me, you live out in the countryside but are not a hunter yourself, don't worry, you'll have neighbors who hunt, so you'll have a quart jar of venison in your cupboard. The venison should be cut up into cubes. Pray it doesn't have any prions in it, and add it to the pie.

Next add salt and pepper to taste. Then boil up a packet of instant brown gravy on the stove, and pour it over the pie ingredients. Finally press down the rest of the pie crust over the top of everything. (The convex side of a tablespoon may be helpful here, if the dough insists on sticking to your fingers. I used to have a wooden spoon, but I don't know where it's gone to.)

Preheat oven to 350° F. Lay down a round pizza pan on an oven rack, covered with tinfoil so the pie doesn't leak down through the holes in the pizza pan and start a fire in the oven. Put pie in oven, and let it bake for 35 to 45 minutes. (I did get the temperature and time out of a cookbook, it's been so long since I baked a pie that I forgot.) When pie is done, remove it from the oven and let it cool down some.

Your meat pie will go down well with a couple of bottles of cold beer. (I prefer Leinenkugel's or Point Special.)

Serves one.